I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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