how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
