Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
