dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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