Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
