This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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