When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
