I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
