He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
