i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
