You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
