I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it's great music for shaving your balls
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
