Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
