so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
