East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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