If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
