My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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