"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
