I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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