1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
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did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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