What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
