the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
