i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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