He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
