i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
