I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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