what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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