I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
