so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
