I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize