He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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