what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sarcasm needs its own font
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
