I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
