When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
