So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
