i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
