The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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