Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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