so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
