Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
