i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
