i used baking grease as lip gloss
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
