i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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