It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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