The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You took a bar mat shot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
