I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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