Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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