Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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