i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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