Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
