All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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