We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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