my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
