If i come over, it means nothing
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
