just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
