If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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