the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
