My first STD was from a foam party
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
