goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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