so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
