You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
