whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
