my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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