obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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