he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
