he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
