I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
