I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
