I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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