I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
