i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
