I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
