Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
