dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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