peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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