Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
