apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
