I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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