apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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