What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
