Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize